But, suddenly, this simple emotion of pleasure was tainted, poisoned byjealousy. He wished to overtake her, and speak to her, to see how shewould receive him, now she must know he was aware of some otherattachment. He wished too, but of this wish he was rather ashamed, thatshe should know that he had justified her wisdom in sending Higgins tohim to ask for work; and had repented him of his morning"s decision.
He came up to her. She started.
"Allow me to say, Miss Hale, that you were rather premature inexpressing your disappointment. I have taken Higgins on."
"I am glad of it," said she, coldly.
"He tells me, he repeated to you, what I said this morning about--" Mr.
Thornton hesitated. Margaret took it up:
"About women not meddling. You had a perfect right to express youropinion, which was a very correct one, I have no doubt. But," she wenton a little more eagerly, "Higgins did not quite tell you the exact truth."
The word "truth," reminded her of her own untruth, and she stoppedshort, feeling exceedingly uncomfortable.
Mr. Thornton at first was puzzled to account for her silence; and then heremembered the lie she had told, and all that was foregone. "The exacttruth!" said he. "Very few people do speak the exact truth. I have givenup hoping for it. Miss Hale, have you no explanation to give me? Youmust perceive what I cannot but think."
Margaret was silent. She was wondering whether an explanation of anykind would be consistent with her loyalty to Frederick.
"Nay," said he, "I will ask no farther. I may be putting temptation in yourway. At present, believe me, your secret is safe with me. But you rungreat risks, allow me to say, in being so indiscreet. I am now onlyspeaking as a friend of your father"s: if I had any other thought or hope,of course that is at an end. I am quite disinterested."
"I am aware of that," said Margaret, forcing herself to speak in anindifferent, careless way. "I am aware of what I must appear to you, butthe secret is another person"s, and I cannot explain it without doing himharm."
"I have not the slightest wish to pry into the gentleman"s secrets," he said,with growing anger. "My own interest in you is--simply that of a friend.
You may not believe me, Miss Hale, but it is--in spite of the persecutionI"m afraid I threatened you with at one time--but that is all given up; allpassed away. You believe me, Miss Hale?"
"Yes," said Margaret, quietly and sadly.
"Then, really, I don"t see any occasion for us to go on walking together. Ithought, perhaps you might have had something to say, but I see we arenothing to each other. If you"re quite convinced, that any foolish passionon my part is entirely over, I will wish you good afternoon." He walkedoff very hastily.
"What can he mean?" thought Margaret,--"what could he mean byspeaking so, as if I were always thinking that he cared for me, when Iknow he does not; he cannot. His mother will have said all those cruelthings about me to him. But I won"t care for him. I surely am mistressenough of myself to control this wild, strange, miserable feeling, whichtempted me even to betray my own dear Frederick, so that I might butregain his good opinion--the good opinion of a man who takes suchpains to tell me that I am nothing to him. Come poor little heart! becheery and brave. We"ll be a great deal to one another, if we are thrownoff and left desolate."
Her father was almost startled by her merriment this afternoon. Shetalked incessantly, and forced her natural humour to an unusual pitch;and if there was a tinge of bitterness in much of what she said; if heraccounts of the old Harley Street set were a little sarcastic, her fathercould not bear to check her, as he would have done at another time--forhe was glad to see her shake off her cares. In the middle of the evening,she was called down to speak to Mary Higgins; and when she cameback, Mr. Hale imagined that he saw traces of tears on her cheeks. Butthat could not be, for she brought good news--that Higgins had gotwork at Mr. Thornton"s mill. Her spirits were damped, at any rate, andshe found it very difficult to go on talking at all, much more in the wildway that she had done. For some days her spirits varied strangely; andher father was beginning to be anxious about her, when news arrivedfrom one or two quarters that promised some change and variety forher. Mr. Hale received a letter from Mr. Bell, in which that gentlemanvolunteered a visit to them; and Mr. Hale imagined that the promisedsociety of his old Oxford friend would give as agreeable a turn toMargaret"s ideas as it did to his own. Margaret tried to take an interestin what pleased her father; but she was too languid to care about anyMr. Bell, even though he were twenty times her godfather. She wasmore roused by a letter from Edith, full of sympathy about her aunt"sdeath; full of details about herself, her husband, and child; and at theend saying, that as the climate did not suit, the baby, and as Mrs. Shawwas talking of returning to England, she thought it probable thatCaptain Lennox might sell out, and that they might all go and live againin the old Harley Street house; which, however, would seem veryincomplete with-out Margaret. Margaret yearned after that old house,and the placid tranquillity of that old well-ordered, monotonous life.
She had found it occasionally tiresome while it lasted; but since thenshe had been buffeted about, and felt so exhausted by this recentstruggle with herself, that she thought that even stagnation would be arest and a refreshment. So she began to look towards a long visit to theLennoxes, on their return to England, as to a point--no, not of hope--butof leisure, in which she could regain her power and command overherself. At present it seemed to her as if all subjects tended towards Mr.
Thornton; as if she could not for-get him with all her endeavours. If shewent to see the Higginses, she heard of him there; her father hadresumed their readings together, and quoted his opinions perpetually;even Mr. Bell"s visit brought his tenant"s name upon the tapis; for hewrote word that he believed he must be occupied some great part of histime with Mr. Thornton, as a new lease was in preparation, and theterms of it must be agreed upon.
