Now and then that sort of enthusiasm finds a far-echoing voice that comes from an experience springing out of the deepest need.And it was by being brought within the long lingering vibrations of such a voice that Maggie, with her girl's face and unnoted sorrows, found an effort and a hope that helped her through two years of loneliness, ****** out a faith for herself without the aid of established authorities and appointed guides - for they were not at hand, and her need was pressing.From what you know of her, you will not be surprised that she threw some exaggeraction and wilfulness, some pride and impetuosity even into her self-renunciation: her own life was still a drama for her, in which she demanded of herself that her part should be played with intensity.And so it came to pass that she often lost the spirit of humility by being excessive in the outward act; she often strove after too high a flight and came down with her poor little half-fledged wings dabbled in the mud.For example, she not only determined to work at plain sewing, that she might contribute something towards the fund in the tin box, but she went in the first instance in her zeal of self-mortification to ask for it at a linen-shop in St Ogg's, instead of getting it in a more quiet and indirect way, and could see nothing but what was entirely wrong and unkind, nay, persecuting, in Tom's reproof of her for this unnecessary act.`I don't like my sister to do such things,' said Tom, ` I'll take care that the debts are paid, without your lowering yourself in that way.' Surely there was some tenderness and bravery mingled with the worldliness and self-assertion of that little speech, but Maggie held it as dross, overlooking the grains of gold, and took Tom's rebuke as one of her outward crosses.Tom was very hard to her, she used to think, in her long night-watchings - to her who had always loved him so; and then she strove to be contented with that hardness, and to require nothing.That is the path we all like when we set out on our abandonment of egoism - the path of martyrdom and endurance, where the palm-branches grow, rather than the steep highway of tolerance, just allowance, and self-blame, where there are no leafy honours to be gathered and worn.
The old books, Virgil, Euclid, and Aldrich - that wrinkled fruit of the tree of knowledge - had been all laid by, for Maggie had turned her back on the vain ambition to share the thoughts of the wise.In her first ardour, she flung away the books with a sort of triumph that she had risen above the need of them, and if they had been her own she would have burned them, believing that she would never repent.She read so eagerly and constantly in her three books, the Bible, Thomas-à-Kempis, and the `Christian Year' (no longer rejected as a `hymn-book') that they filled her mind with a continual stream of rhythmic memories; and she was too ardently learning to see all nature and life in the light of her new faith to need any other material for her mind to work on, as she sat with her well-plied needle, ****** shirts and other complicated stitchings falsely called `plain' -by no means plain to Maggie, since wristband and sleeve and the like had a capability of being sewed-in wrong side outwards in moments of mental wandering.
Hanging diligently over her sewing, Maggie was a sight any one might have been pleased to look at.That new inward life of hers, notwithstanding some volcanic upheavings of imprisoned passions, yet shone out in her face with a tender soft light that mingled itself as added loveliness with the gradually enriched colour and outline of her blossoming youth.Her mother felt the change in her with a sort of puzzled wonder that Maggie should be `growing up so good;' it was amazing that this once `contrairy' child was become so submissive, so backward to assert her own will.Maggie used to look up from her work and find her mother's eyes fixed upon her: they were watching and waiting for the large young glance, as if her elder frame got some needful warmth from it.The mother was getting fond of her tall, brown girl, the only bit of furniture now on which she could bestow her anxiety and pride, and Maggie, in spite of her own ascetic wish to have no personal adornment was obliged to give way to her mother about her hair and submit to have the abundant black locks plaited into a coronet on the summit of her head after the pitiable fashion of those antiquated times.
`Let your mother have that bit o' pleasure, my dear,' said Mrs Tulliver, `I'd trouble enough with your hair once.'
So Maggie, glad of anything that would soothe her mother and cheer their long day together, consented to the vain decoration, and showed a queenly head above her old frocks - steadily refusing, however, to look at herself in the glass.Mrs Tulliver liked to call the father's attention to Maggie's hair and other unexpected virtues, but he had a brusque reply to give.
`I knew well enough what she'd be, before now - it's nothing new to me.But it's a pity she isn't made o' commoner stuff - she'll be thrown away, I doubt: there'll be nobody to marry her as is fit for her.'
And Maggie's graces of mind and body fed his gloom.He sat patiently enough while she read him a chapter, or said something timidly when they were alone together about trouble being turned into a blessing.He took it all as part of his daughter's goodness, which made his misfortunes the sadder to him because they damaged her change in life.In a mind charged with an eager purpose and an unsatisfied vindictiveness, there is no room for new feelings: Mr Tulliver did not want spiritual consolation - he wanted to shake off the degradation of debt and to have his revenge.
