AUGUST 1.-When I took leave of Ernest I was glad to get away.Ithought he would perhaps find after I was gone that he missed something out of his life and would welcome me home with a little of the old love.But I did not dream that he would not find it easy to do without me till summer was over, and when, this morning, he came suddenly upon us, carpet-bag in hand, I could do nothing but cry in his arms like a tired child.
And now I had the silly triumph of having mother see that he loved me!
"How could you get away?" I asked at last."And what made you come?
And how long can you stay?"
"I could get away because I would," he replied."And I came because Iwanted to come.And I can stay three days."
Three days of Ernest all to myself!
AUGUST 5.-He has gone, but he has left behind him a happy wife and the memory of three happy days.
After the first joy of our meeting was over, we had time for just such nice long talks as I delight in.Ernest began by upbraiding me a little for my injustice in fancying he had betrayed his father to Dr.
Cabot.
"That is not all," I interrupted, "I even thought you had made a boast of the sacrifices you were ******.""That explains your coldness," he returned.
"My coldness! Of all the ridiculous things in the world!" I cried.
"You were cold, for you and I felt it.Don't you know that we undemonstrative men prefer loving winsome little women like you, just because you are our own opposites? And when the pet kitten turns into a cat with claws-""Now, Ernest, that is really too bad! To compare me to a cat!""You certainly did say some sharp things to me about that time.""Did I, really? Oh, Ernest, how could I?"
"And it was at a moment when I particularly needed your help.But do not let us dwell upon it.We love each other; we are both trying to do right in all the details of life.I do not think we shall ever get very far apart.""But, Ernest-tell me-are you very, very much disappointed in me?""Disappointed? Why, Katy!"
"Then what did make you seem so indifferent? What made you so slow to observe how miserably I was, as to health?""Did I seem indifferent? I am sure I never loved you better.As to your health, I am ashamed of myself.I ought to have seen how feeble you were.But the truth is, I was deceived by your bright ways with baby.For him you were all smiles and gayety.""That was from principle," I said, and felt a good deal elated as Imade the announcement.
"He fell into a fit of musing, and none of my usual devices for arousing him had any effect.I pulled his hair and his ears, and shook him, but he remained unmoved.
At last he began again.
"Perhaps I owe it to you, dear, to tell you that when I brought my father and sister home to live with us, I did not dream how trying a thing it would be to you.I did not know that he was a confirmed invalid, or that she would prove to possess a nature so entirely antagonistic to yours.I thought my father would interest himself in reading, visiting, etc, as he used to do.And I thought Martha's judgment would be of service to you, while her household skill would relieve you of some care.But the whole thing has proved a failure.Iam harassed by the sight of my father, sitting there in his corner so penetrated with gloom; I reproach myself for it, but I almost dread coming home.When a man has been all day encompassed with sounds and sights of suffering, he naturally longs for cheerful faces and cheerful voices in his own house.Then Martha's pertinacious-I won't say hostility to my little wife-what shall I call it?""It is only want of sympathy.She is too really good to be hostile to any one.
"Thank you, my darling," he said, "I believe you do her justice.""I am afraid I have not been as forbearing with her as I ought," Isaid."But, oh, Ernest, it is because I have been jealous of her all along!""That is really too absurd."
"You certainly have treated her with more deference than you have me.
You looked up to her and looked down upon me.At least it seemed so.""My dear child, you have misunderstood the whole thing.I gave Martha just what she wanted most; she likes to be looked up to.And I gave you what I thought you wanted most, my tenderest love.And I expected that I should have your sympathy amid the trials with which I am burdened, and that with your strong nature I might look to you to help me bear them.I know you have the worst of it, dear child, but then you have twice my strength.I believe women almost always have more than men.""I have, indeed, misunderstood you.I thought you liked to have them here, and that Martha's not fancying me influenced you against me.
But now I know just what you want of me, and I can give it, darling."After this all our cloud melted away.I only long to go home and show Ernest that he shall have one cheerful face about him, and have one cheerful voice.
AUGUST 12.-I have had a long letter from Ernest to day.He says he hopes he has not been selfish and unkind in speaking of his father and sister as he has done, because he truly loves and honors them both, and wants me to do so, if I can.His father had called them up twice to see him die and to receive his last messages.This always happens when Ernest has been up all the previous night; there seems a fatality about it.
