She caressed me over and over again,and then,since it was getting late,they went back to the city,telling me to come to their house in the morning and we would have the happiest wedding there had ever been.I hope to God it's full of roses and not thorns,I said to myself.All that night I was caught between the hope that those women wouldn't trick me and the fear that they would,although I thought it was impossible for there to be any trickery in a woman who had such a good face.I was expecting to enjoy that little pigeon,so the night seemed like a year to me.
It wasn't yet dawn when I closed up my hermitage and went to get married (as if that were nothing),not remembering that I already was.I arrived just as they were getting up.They welcomed me so joyfully that I really thought I was fortunate,and with all my fears gone,I began to act right at home.We ate so well and the food was so good that I thought I was in paradise.They had invited six or seven lady friends of theirs in to eat.After dinner we danced,and although I didn't know how,they made me do it.To see me dancing with my hermit's garb on was a sight.
When evening came,after a good supper and even better drinking,they took me into a nicely decorated room where there was a good bed.They told me to get into it.While my wife was undressing,a maid pulled off my shoes and stockings and told me to take off my shirt because,for the ceremonies that would take place,I had to be completely naked.I obeyed her.Then all the women came into my room with my wife behind them,dressed in a shift,and one of the women was carrying the train.
The first thing they made me do was kiss her arse,saying that was the first ceremony.After this,four of them grabbed me--two by the feet and two by the arms--and with great care they tied four ropes to me and fastened the ends to the four bedposts.I was like a Saint Andrew on the Cross.They all began to laugh when they saw my jack-in-the-box,and they threw a jar of cold water on it.I gave out a terrible shriek,but they told me to be quiet,or else.They took a huge pot of hot water and stuck my head in it.I was burning up,and the worst part was that if I tried to shout they whipped me.So I decided to let them do what they wanted.They sheared off my beard,my hair,my eyebrows and eyelashes.
"Be patient,"they said."The ceremonies will be over soon,and you will enjoy what you desire so much."
I begged them to let me go because my appetite had gone away.
They cut away the hair from my crotch,and one of them who was the boldest took out a knife and said to the others,"Hold him down tight,and I'll cut off his plums so he'll never again feel tempted to get married.This hermit thought everything we told him was the gospel truth.Why,it wasn't even the epistle.He trusted women,and now he'll see what the payment is."
When I saw my precious stones in danger,I pulled so hard that I broke a rope and one of the bedposts.I grabbed my jewels with one hand and clutched them so that even if they had cut off my fingers,they couldn't have gotten to them.So they wouldn't break the bed completely apart,they untied me and wrapped me in a sheet.Then they gave me such a blanketing that they left me half dead.
"These,my dear sir,"they said,"are the ceremonies our wedding begins with.If you want to come back tomorrow,we'll finish the rest."
The four of them picked me up and carried me far away from their house.They put me down in the middle of a street.And when morning came,boys began to chase and beat me,so that,to get away from their hands,I ran into a church next to the high altar where they were saying mass.When the priests saw that figure,which must have looked like the devil they paint at Saint Michael's feet,they began to run away,and I was right behind them,trying to get away from the boys.
The people in the church were shouting.Some said,"Look!There goes the devil!"Others said,"Look at the madman!"
I was shouting,too,but that I wasn't a devil or a madman;I was only a poor fellow who looked like that because of my sins.At this,they all quieted down.The priests went back to their mass,and the sacristan gave me a cover from a tomb to wrap myself in.I went over to a corner and thought about the reverses of fortune and that no matter where you go bad luck is there.So I decided to stay in that church for the rest of my life.And if past misfortunes were any indication,my life wouldn't be a long one.Besides,I wanted to save the priests the trouble of going somewhere else to get me when I was dead.
This,dear reader,is all of the Second Part of the life of Lazarillo.I have neither added nor subtracted anything from what I heard my great-grandmother tell.If you enjoyed it,wait for the Third Part:you will find it no less enjoyable.
