"I tried to flee temptationI tried to say 'no,' but I am so pitiably weak, I couldn't.You must despise me.But don't give me up entirely, for if I live, I'll do better.I'll go away to Father and begin again."Rose tried to keep back the bitter drops, but they would fall, to hear him still speak hopefully when there was no hope.Something in the mute anguish of her face seemed to tell him what she could not speak, and a quick change came over him as he grasped her hand tighter, saying in a sharp whisper: "Have I really got to die, Rose?"Her only answer was to kneel down and put her arms about him, as if she tried to keep death away a little longer.He believed it then, and lay so still, she looked up in a moment, fearing she knew not what.
But Charlie bore it manfully, for he had the courage which can face a great danger bravely, though not the strength to fight a bosom sin and conquer it.His eyes were fixed, as if trying to look into the unseen world whither he was going, and his lips firmly set that no word of complaint should spoil the proof he meant to give that, though he had not known how to live, he did know how to die.It seemed to Rose as if for one brief instant she saw the man that might have been if early training had taught him how to rule himself; and the first words he uttered with a long sigh, as his eye came back to her, showed that he felt the failure and owned it with pathetic candor.
"Better so, perhaps; better go before I bring any more sorrow to you and shame to myself.I'd like to stay a little longer and try to redeem the past; it seems so wasted now, but if I can't, don't grieve, Rose.I'm no loss to anyone, and perhaps it is too late to mend.""Oh, don't say that! No one will find your place among uswe never can forget how much we loved you, and you must believe how freely we forgive as we would be forgiven," cried Rose, steadied by the pale despair that had fallen on Charlie's face with those bitter words.
" 'Forgive us our trespasses!' Yes, I should say that.Rose, I'm not ready, it is so sudden.What can I do?" he whispered, clinging to her as if he had no anchor except the creature whom he loved so much.
"Uncle will tell youI am not good enoughI can only pray for you." And she moved as if to call in the help so sorely needed.
"No, no, not yet! Stay by me, darlingread something there, in Grandfather's old book, some prayer for such as I.It will do me more good from you than any minister alive."She got the venerable bookgiven to Charlie because he bore the good man's nameand, turning to the "Prayer for the Dying," read it brokenly while the voice beside her echoed now and then some word that reproved or comforted.
"The testimony of a good conscience." "By the sadness of his countenance may his heart be made better." "Christian patience and fortitude." "Leave the world in peace." "Amen."There was silence for a little; then Rose, seeing how wan he looked, said softly, "Shall I call Uncle now?""If you will.But firstdon't smile at my foolishness, dearIwant my little heart.They took it offplease give it back and let me keep it always," he answered with the old fondness strong as ever, even when he could show it only by holding fast the childish trinket which she found and had given himthe old agate heart with the faded ribbon.
"Put it on, and never let them take it off," he said, and when she asked if there was anything else she could do for him, he tried to stretch out his arms to her with a look which asked for more.
She kissed him very tenderly on lips and forehead, tried to say "good-bye,"but could not speak, and groped her way to the door.Turning for a last look, Charlie's hopeful spirit rose for a moment, as if anxious to send her away more cheerful, and he said with a shadow of the old blithe smile, a feeble attempt at the familiar farewell gesture: "Till tomorrow, Rose."Alas for Charlie! His tomorrow never came, and when she saw him next, he lay there looking so serene and noble, it seemed as if it must be well with him, for all the pain was past; temptation ended; doubt and fear, hope and love, could no more stir his quiet heart, and in solemn truth he had gone to meet his Father, and begin again.
