RALPH.Oh! If you please.(CAPTAIN steps forward.)SIR JOSEPH (to CAPTAIN).You are an extremely fine fellow.
CAPT.Yes, your honour.
SIR JOSEPH.So it seems that you were Ralph, and Ralph was you.
CAPT.SO it seems, your honour.
SIR JOSEPH.Well, I need not tell you that after this change in your condition, a marriage with your daughter will be out of the question.
CAPT.Don't say that, your honour--love levels all ranks.
SIR JOSEPH.It does to a considerable extent, but it does not level them as much as that.(Handing JOSEPHINE to RALPH.) Here -- take her, sir, and mind you treat her kindly.
RALPH and JOS.Oh bliss, oh rapture!
CAPT.and BUT.Oh rapture, oh bliss!
SIR JOSEPH.Sad my lot and sorry, What shall I do? I cannot live alone!
HEBE.Fear nothing--while I live I'll not desert you.
I'll soothe and comfort your declining days.
SIR JOSEPH.No, don't do that.
HEBE.Yes, but indeed I'd rather--SIR JOSEPH (resigned).To-morrow morn our vows shall all be plighted, Three loving pairs on the same day united!
QUARTETTE
JOSEPHINE, HEBE, RALPH, and DEADEYE
Oh joy, oh rapture unforeseen, The clouded sky is now serene, The god of day--the orb of love, Has hung his ensign high above, The sky is all ablaze.
With wooing words and loving song, We'll chase the lagging hours along, And if { he finds } the maiden coy, I find We'll murmur forth decorous joy, In dreamy roundelay.
CAPT.For he's the Captain of the Pinafore.
ALL.And a right good captain too!
CAPT.And though before my fall I was captain of you all, I'm a member of the crew.
ALL.Although before his fall, etc.
CAPT.I shall marry with a wife, In my humble rank of life! (turning to BUT.)And you, my own, are she--I must wander to and fro;
But wherever I may go, I shall never be untrue to thee!
ALL.What, never?
CAPT.No, never!
ALL.What, never!
CAPT.Hardly ever!
ALL.Hardly ever be untrue to thee.
Then give three cheers, and one cheer more For the former Captain of the Pinafore.
BUT.For he loves Little Buttercup, dear Little Buttercup, Though I could never tell why;But still he loves Buttercup, poor Little Buttercup, Sweet Little Buttercup, aye!
ALL.For he loves, etc.
SIR JOSEPH.I'm the monarch of the sea, And when I've married thee (to HEBE), I'll be true to the devotion that my love implants, HEBE.Then good-bye to his sisters, and his cousins, and his aunts, Especially his cousins, Whom he reckons up by dozens, His sisters, and his cousins, and his aunts!
ALL.For he is an Englishman, And he himself hath said it, And it's greatly to his credit That he is an Englishman!
CURTAIN
IolantheorThe Peer and the Peri DRAMATIS PERSONAETHE LORD CHANCELLOREARL OF MOUNTARARAT
EARL TOLLOLLER
PRIVATE WILLIS (of the Grenadier Guards)
STREPHON (an Arcadian Shepherd)
QUEEN OF THE FAIRIES
IOLANTHE (a Fairy, Strephon's Mother)
FAIRIES:
CELIA
LEILA
FLETA
PHYLLIS (an Arcadian Shepherdess and Ward of Chancery)ACT IAn Arcadian LandscapeACT II
Palace Yard, Westminster ACT I
SCENE.--An Arcadian Landscape.A river runs around the back of the stage.A rustic bridge crosses the river.
Enter Fairies, led by Leila, Celia, and Fleta.They trip around the stage, singing as they dance.
CHORUS.
Tripping hither, tripping thither, Nobody knows why or whither;We must dance and we must sing Round about our fairy ring!
SOLO--CELIA.
We are dainty little fairies, Ever singing, ever dancing;We indulge in our vagaries In a fashion most entrancing.
If you ask the special function Of our never-ceasing motion, We reply, without compunction, That we haven't any notion!
CHORUS.
No, we haven't any notion!
Tripping hither, etc.
SOLO--LEILA.
If you ask us how we live, Lovers all essentials give--We can ride on lovers' sighs, Warm ourselves in lovers' eyes, Bathe ourselves in lovers' tears, Clothe ourselves with lovers' fears, Arm ourselves with lovers' darts, Hide ourselves in lovers' hearts.
When you know us, you'll discover That we almost live on lover!
CHORUS.
Yes, we live on lover!
Tripping hither, etc.
(At the end of Chorus, all sigh wearily.)CELIA.Ah, it's all very well, but since our Queen banished Iolanthe, fairy revels have not been what they were!
LEILA.Iolanthe was the life and soul of Fairyland.Why, she wrote all our songs and arranged all our dances! We sing her songs and we trip her measures, but we don't enjoy ourselves!
FLETA.To think that five-and-twenty years have elapsed since she was banished! What could she have done to have deserved so terrible a punishment?
LEILA.Something awful! She married a mortal!
FLETA.Oh! Is it injudicious to marry a mortal?
LEILA.Injudicious? It strikes at the root of the whole fairy system! By our laws, the fairy who marries a mortal dies!
CELIA.But Iolanthe didn't die!
(Enter Fairy Queen.)
QUEEN.No, because your Queen, who loved her with a surpassing love, commuted her sentence to penal servitude for life, on condition that she left her husband and never communicated with him again!
LEILA.That sentence of penal servitude she is now working out, on her head, at the bottom of that stream!
QUEEN.Yes, but when I banished her, I gave her all the pleasant places of the earth to dwell in.I'm sure I never intended that she should go and live at the bottom of a stream! It makes me perfectly wretched to think of the discomfort she must have undergone!
LEILA.Think of the damp! And her chest was always delicate.
QUEEN.And the frogs! Ugh! I never shall enjoy any peace of mind until I know why Iolanthe went to live among the frogs!
FLETA.Then why not summon her and ask her?
QUEEN.Why? Because if I set eyes on her I should forgive her at once!
CELIA.Then why not forgive her? Twenty-five years--it's a long time!
LEILA.Think how we loved her!
QUEEN.Loved her? What was your love to mine? Why, she was invaluable to me! Who taught me to curl myself inside a buttercup?
Iolanthe! Who taught me to swing upon a cobweb? Iolanthe! Who taught me to dive into a dewdrop--to nestle in a nutshell--to gambol upon gossamer? Iolanthe!
LEILA.She certainly did surprising things!
