In other professions in which men engage (Said I to myself said I), The Army, the Navy, the Church, and the Stage (Said I to myself--said I), Professional licence, if carried too far, Your chance of promotion will certainly mar--And I fancy the rule might apply to the Bar (Said I to myself--said I!).
(Exit Lord Chancellor.)
(Enter Iolanthe)
STREPH.Oh, Phyllis, Phyllis! To be taken from you just as I was on the point of ****** you my own! Oh, it's too much--it's too much!
IOL.(to Strephon, who is in tears).My son in tears--and on his wedding day!
STREPH.My wedding day! Oh, mother, weep with me, for the Law has interposed between us, and the Lord Chancellor has separated us for ever!
IOL.The Lord Chancellor! (Aside.) Oh, if he did but know!
STREPH.(overhearing her).If he did but know what?
IOL.No matter! The Lord Chancellor has no power over you.
Remember you are half a fairy.You can defy him--down to the waist.
STREPH.Yes, but from the waist downwards he can commit me to prison for years! Of what avail is it that my body is free, if my legs are working out seven years' penal servitude?
IOL.True.But take heart--our Queen has promised you her special protection.I'll go to her and lay your peculiar case before her.
STREPH.My beloved mother! how can I repay the debt I owe you?
FINALE--QUARTET.
(As it commences, the Peers appear at the back, advancing unseen and on tiptoe.Lord Mountararat and Lord Tolloller lead Phyllis between them, who listens in horror to what she hears.)STREPH.(to Iolanthe).When darkly looms the day, And all is dull and grey, To chase the gloom away, On thee I'll call!
PHYL.(speaking aside to Lord Mountararat).What was that?
LORD MOUNT.(aside to Phyllis).
I think I heard him say, That on a rainy day, To while the time away, On her he'd call!
CHORUS.We think we heard him say, etc.
(Phyllis much agitated at her lover's supposed faithlessness.)IOL.(to Strephon).When tempests wreck thy bark, And all is drear and dark, If thou shouldst need an Ark, I'll give thee one!
PHYL.(speaking aside to Lord Tolloller).What was that?
LORD TOLL.(aside to Phyllis).
I heard the minx remark, She'd meet him after dark, Inside St James's Park, And give him one!
CHORUS.We heard the minx remark, etc.
PHYL.The prospect's very bad.
My heart so sore and sad Will never more be glad As summer's sun.
PHYL., IOL., LORD TOLL., STREPH.
The prospect's not so bad, My/Thy heart so sore and sad May very soon be glad As summer's sun;PHYL., IOL., LORD TOLL., STEPH., LORD MOUNT.
For when the sky is dark And tempests wreck his/thy/my bark, he should If thou shouldst need an Ark, I should She'llhim I'll give thee one!
mePHYL.(revealing herself).Ah!
(Iolanthe and Strephon much confused.)
PHYL.Oh, shameless one, tremble!
Nay, do not endeavour Thy fault to dissemble, We part--and for ever!
I worshipped him blindly, He worships another--STREPH.Attend to me kindly, This lady's my mother!
TOLL.This lady's his what?
STREPH.This lady's my mother!
TENORS.This lady's his what?
BASSES.He says she's his mother!
(They point derisively to Iolanthe, laughing heartily at her.She goes for protection to Strephon.)(Enter Lord Chancellor.Iolanthe veils herself.)LORD CH.What means this mirth unseemly, That shakes the listening earth?
LORD TOLL.The joke is good extremely, And justifies our mirth.
LORD MOUNT.This gentleman is seen, With a maid of seventeen, A-taking of his dolce far niente;And wonders he'd achieve, For he asks us to believe She's his mother--and he's nearly five-and-twenty!
LORD CH.(sternly).Recollect yourself, I pray, And be careful what you say--As the ancient Romans said, festina lente.
For I really do not see How so young a girl could be The mother of a man of five-and-twenty.
ALL.Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!
STREPH.My Lord, of evidence I have no dearth--She is--has been--my mother from my birth!
BALLAD.
In babyhood Upon her lap I lay, With infant food She moistened my clay;Had she withheld The succour she supplied, By hunger quelled, Your Strephon might have died!
LORD CH.(much moved).
Had that refreshment been denied, Indeed our Strephon might have died!
ALL (much affected).
Had that refreshment been denied, Indeed our Strephon might have died!
LORD MOUNT.But as she's not His mother, it appears, Why weep these hot Unnecessary tears?
And by what laws Should we so joyously Rejoice, because Our Strephon did not die?
Oh rather let us pipe our eye Because our Strephon did not die!
ALL.That's very true--let's pipe our eye Because our Strephon did not die!
(All weep.Iolanthe, who has succeeded in hiding her face from Lord Chancellor, escapes unnoticed.)PHYL.Go, traitorous one--for ever we must part:
To one of you, my Lords, I give my heart!
ALL.Oh, rapture!
STREPH.Hear me, Phyllis, ere you leave me.
PHYL.Not a word--you did deceive me.
ALL.Not a word--you did deceive her.
(Exit Strephon.)
BALLAD--PHYLLIS.
For riches and rank I do not long--
Their pleasures are false and vain;
I gave up the love of a lordly throng For the love of a ****** swain.
But now that ****** swain's untrue, With sorrowful heart I turn to you--A heart that's aching, Quaking, breaking, As sorrowful hearts are wont to do!
The riches and rank that you befall Are the only baits you use, So the richest and rankiest of you all My sorrowful heart shall choose.
As none are so noble--none so rich As this couple of lords, I'll find a niche In my heart that's aching, Quaking, breaking, For one of you two-and I don't care which!
ENSEMBLE.
PHYL.(to Lord Mountararat and Lord Tolloller).
To you I give my heart so rich!
ALL (puzzled).To which?
PHYL.I do not care!
To you I yield--it is my doom!
ALL.To whom?
PHYL.I'm not aware!
I'm yours for life if you but choose.
ALL.She's whose?
PHYL.That's your affair!
I'll be a countess, shall I not?
ALL.Of what?
PHYL.I do not care!
ALL.Lucky little lady!
Strephon's lot is shady;
Rank, it seems, is vital, "Countess" is the title, But of what I'm not aware!
(Enter Strephon.)
STREPH.Can I inactive see my fortune fade?
No, no!
PEERS.Ho, ho!
