A thousand thanks! the creature was digging a regular well in my eye; now that it's gone, my tears can flow freely.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
I will wipe them for you-bad, naughty man though you are.Now, just one kiss.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
A kiss? certainly not LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMENJust one, whether you like it or not.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Oh! those confounded women! how they do cajole us! How true the saying: " 'Tis impossible to live with the baggages, impossible to live without 'em!" Come, let us agree for the future not to regard each other any more as enemies; and to clinch the bargain, let us sing a choric song.
COMBINED CHORUS OF WOMEN AND OLD MEN (singing)We desire, Athenians, to speak ill of no man; but on the contrary to say much good of everyone, and to do the like.We have had enough of misfortunes and calamities.If there is any man or woman who wants a bit of money-two or three minas or so; well, our purse is full.If only peace is concluded, the borrower will not have to pay back.Also I'm inviting to supper a few Carystian friends, who are excellently well qualified.I have still a drop of good soup left, and a young porker I'm going to kill, and the flesh will be sweet and tender.I shall expect you at my house to-day; but first away to the baths with you, you and your children; then come all of you, ask no one's leave, but walk straight up, as if you were at home; never fear, the door will be...shut in your faces!
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Ah! here come the envoys from Sparta with their long flowing beards; why, you would think they wore pigstyes between their thighs.
(Enter the LACONIAN ENVOYS afflicted like their herald.) Hail to you, first of all, Laconians; then tell us how you fare.
LACONIAN ENVOY
No need for many words; you can see what a state we are in.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Alas! the situation grows more and more strained! the intensity of the thing is simply frightful.
LACONIAN ENVOY
It's beyond belief.But to work! summon your Commissioners, and let us patch up the best peace we may.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Ah! our men too, like wrestlers in the arena, cannot endure a rag over their bellies; it's an athlete's malady, which only exercise can remedy.
(The MAGISTRATE returns; he too now has an evident reason to desire peace.)MAGISTRATE
Can anybody tell us where Lysistrata is? Surely she will have some compassion on our condition.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN (pointing)
Look! now he has the very same complaint.(To the MAGISTRATE)Don't you feel a strong nervous tension in the morning?
MAGISTRATE
Yes, and a dreadful, dreadful torture it is! Unless peace is made very soon, we shall find no recourse but to make love to Clisthenes.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Take my advice, and arrange your clothes as best you can; one of the fellows who mutilated the Hermae might see you.
MAGISTRATE
Right, by Zeus.
(He endeavours, not too successfully, to conceal his condition.)LACONIAN ENVOY
Quite right, by the Dioscuri.There, I will put on my tunic.
MAGISTRATE
Oh! what a terrible state we are in! Greeting to you, Laconian fellow-sufferers.
LACONIAN ENVOY (addressing one of his countrymen)Ah! my boy, what a terrible thing it would have been if these fellows had seen us just now when we were on full stand!
MAGISTRATE
Speak out, Laconians, what is it brings you here?
LACONIAN ENVOY
We have come to treat for peace.
MAGISTRATE
Well said; we are of the same mind.Better call Lysistrata, then; she is the only person will bring us to terms.
LACONIAN ENVOY
Yes, yes-and Lysistratus into the bargain, if you will.
MAGISTRATE
Needless to call her; she has heard your voices, and here she comes.
(She comes out of the Acropolis.)
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Hail, boldest and bravest of womankind! The time is come to show yourself in turn uncompromising and conciliatory, exacting and yielding, haughty and condescending.Call up all your skill and artfulness.Lo! the foremost men in Hellas, seduced by your fascinations, are agreed to entrust you with the task of ending their quarrels.
***ISTRATA
It will be an easy task-if only they refrain from mutual indulgence in masculine love; if they do, I shall know the fact at once.Now, where is the gentle goddess Peace? (The goddess, in the form of a beautiful nude girl is brought in by the Machine.) Lead hither the Laconian envoys.But, look you, no roughness or violence;our husbands always behaved so boorishly.Bring them to me with smiles, as women should.If any refuse to give you his hand, then take hold of his tool.Bring up the Athenians too; you may lead them either way.Laconians, approach; and you, Athenians, on my other side.Now hearken all! I am but a woman; but I have good common sense; Nature has endowed me with discriminating judgment, which I have yet further developed, thanks to the wise teachings of my father and the elders of the city.First I must bring a reproach against you that applies equally to both sides.At Olympia, and Thermopylae, and Delphi, and a score of other places too numerous to mention, you celebrate before the same altars ceremonies common to all Hellenes;yet you go cutting each other's throats, and sacking Hellenic cities, when all the while the barbarian yonder is threatening you!
That is my first point.
MAGISTRATE (devouring the goddess with his eyes)Good god, this erection is killing me!
***ISTRATA
Now it is to you I address myself, Laconians.Have you forgotten how Periclidas, your own countryman, sat a suppliant before our altars? How pale he was in his purple robes! He had come to crave an army of us; it was the time when Messenia was pressing you sore, and the Sea-god was shaking the earth.Cimon marched to your aid at the head of four thousand hoplites, and saved Lacedaemon.And, after such a service as that, you ravage the soil of your benefactors!
MAGISTRATE
They do wrong, very wrong, Lysistrata.
LACONIAN ENVOY
We do wrong, very wrong.(Looking at the goddess) Ah! great gods! what a lovely bottom Peace has!
***ISTRATA
