登陆注册
24629600000084

第84章 英文(53)

One day a chocolate-ration was issued. There had been no such issue for weeks or months past. He remembered quite clearly that precious little morsel of chocolate. It was a two-ounce slab (they still talked about ounces in those days) between the three of them. It was obvious that it ought to be divided into three equal parts. Suddenly, as though he were listening to somebody else, Winston heard himself demanding in a loud booming voice that he should be given the whole piece. His mother told him not to be greedy. There was a long, nagging argument that went round and round, with shouts, whines, tears, remonstrances, bargainings. His tiny sister, clinging to her mother with both hands, exactly like a baby monkey, sat looking over her shoulder at him with large, mournful eyes. In the end his mother broke off three-quarters of the chocolate and gave it to Winston, giving the other quarter to his sister. The little girl took hold of it and looked at it dully, perhaps not knowing what it was. Winston stood watching her for a moment. Then with a sudden swift spring he had snatched the piece of chocolate out of his sister’s hand and was fleeing for the door.

“Winston, Winston!” his mother called after him. “Come back! Give your sister back her chocolate!”

He stopped, but did not come back. His mother’s anxious eyes were fixed on his face. Even now he was thinking about the thing, he did not know what it was that was on the point of happening. His sister, conscious of having been robbed of something, had set up a feeble wail. His mother drew her arm round the child and pressed its face against her breast. Something in the gesture told him that his sister was dying. He turned and fled down the stairs. with the chocolate growing sticky in his hand.

He never saw his mother again. After he had devoured the chocolate he felt somewhat ashamed of himself and hung about in the streets for several hours, until hunger drove him home. When he came back his mother had disappeared. This was already becoming normal at that time. Nothing was gone from the room except his mother and his sister. They had not taken any clothes, not even his mother’s overcoat. To this day he did not know with any certainty that his mother was dead. It was perfectly possible that she had merely been sent to a forced-labour camp. As for his sister, she might have been removed, like Winston himself, to one of the colonies for homeless children (Reclamation Centres, they were called) which had grown up as a result of the civil war, or she might have been sent to the labour camp along with his mother, or simply left somewhere or other to die.

The dream was still vivid in his mind, especially the enveloping protecting gesture of the arm in which its whole meaning seemed to be contained. His mind went back to another dream of two months ago. Exactly as his mother had sat on the dingy whitequilted bed, with the child clinging to her, so she had sat in the sunken ship, far underneath him, and drowning deeper every minute, but still looking up at him through the darkening water.

He told Julia the story of his mother’s disappearance. Without opening her eyes she rolled over and settled herself into a more comfortable position.

“I expect you were a beastly little swine in those days,” she said indistinctly. “All children are swine.”

“Yes. But the real point of the story—”

From her breathing it was evident that she was going off to sleep again. He would have liked to continue talking about his mother. He did not suppose, from what he could remember of her, that she had been an unusual woman, still less an intelligent one; and yet she had possessed a kind of nobility, a kind of purity, simply because the standards that she obeyed were private ones. Her feelings were her own, and could not be altered from outside. It would not have occurred to her that an action which is ineffectual thereby becomes meaningless. If you loved someone, you loved him, and when you had nothing else to give, you still gave him love. When the last of the chocolate was gone, his mother had clasped the child in her arms. It was no use, it changed nothing, it did not produce more chocolate, it did not avert the child’s death or her own; but it seemed natural to her to do it. The refugee woman in the boat had also covered the little boy with her arm, which was no more use against the bullets than a sheet of paper. The terrible thing that the Party had done was to persuade you that mere impulses, mere feelings, were of no account, while at the same time robbing you of all power over the material world. When once you were in the grip of the Party, what you felt or did not feel, what you did or refrained from doing, made literally no difference. Whatever happened you vanished, and neither you nor your actions were ever heard of again. You were lifted clean out of the stream of history. And yet to the people of only two generations ago this would not have seemed all-important, because they were not attempting to alter history. They were governed by private loyalties which they did not question. What mattered were individual relationships, and a completely helpless gesture, an embrace, a tear, a word spoken to a dying man, could have value in itself. The proles, it suddenly occurred to him, had remained in this condition. They were not loyal to a party or a country or an idea, they were loyal to one another. For the first time in his life he did not despise the proles or think of them merely as an inert force which would one day spring to life and regenerate the world. The proles had stayed human. They had not become hardened inside. They had held on to the primitive emotions which he himself had to re-learn by conscious effort. And in thinking this he remembered, without apparent relevance, how a few weeks ago he had seen a severed hand lying on the pavement and had kicked it into the gutter as though it had been a cabbage-stalk.

“The proles are human beings,” he said aloud. “We are not human.”

“Why not?” said Julia, who had woken up again.

He thought for a little while. “Has it ever occurred to you,” he said, “that the best thing for us to do would be simply to walk out of here before it’s too late, and never see each other again?”

同类推荐
  • 不连续杀人事件

    不连续杀人事件

    第二届日本推理作家协会奖获奖作品,江户川乱步、松本清张赞誉推荐;战后“本格派”坂口安吾唯一长篇侦探推理小说,日本推理小说史上的不朽名作,日本超人气动漫《文豪野犬》原型人物,日本电影《不连续杀人事件》原著小说,与太宰治齐名的“无赖派”代表作家,川端康成、三岛由纪夫推崇备至的文学大师。《不连续杀人事件》是坂口安吾唯一的一篇长篇推理小说,颠覆常理的犯罪手法和内心博弈,破解八宗凶杀案背后的惊天诡计,是日本推理小说史上的不朽名作。作者将故事发生的背景设定在1947年的夏季,在当时日本大财阀歌川多门的山间别墅,聚集着前来避暑的学者、诗人、作家、医生等20多人,人际关系错综复杂,相互之间纠结着爱恨情仇,在收到恐吓信后,陆续发生了8宗凶杀案,歌川家灭亡。整个过程中,作者不使用推理小说常用的“不在场证明”和“不可能犯罪”的套路手法,明明是连续的连续作案,却让人看不出连续一贯的动机,以至无法预测下一个遇害者。而在这些凶杀案背后却有着惊天诡计。此推理小说在最初连载时,作者便每次在文末附上《致读者的挑战状》,表示谁要是猜出凶手就奉上自己的稿费,太宰治也参与竞猜凶手,可惜竞猜挑战失败。小说正式出版后,第二个月便获得第二届侦探作家俱乐部奖(后改称“推理作家协会奖”)的长篇奖,成为日本战后“本格派”推理小说的典范之作,在日本长畅超过半个世纪。
  • 鲁滨逊漂流记

    鲁滨逊漂流记

    《鲁滨逊漂流记》是丹尼尔·笛福于1719年出版的小说。这本书以书信体说理小说,书名人物为主人公的一个虚构了的自传性的故事。小说讲述了一位海难的幸存者鲁滨逊在一个偏僻荒凉的热带小岛-特立尼达拉岛上度过28年的故事,而其伙伴是主人公从食人族手中救下的一个被俘虏的土著人。由于当天是星期五,因而给该土著人命名为“星期五”。在经历了野人、俘虏之后,在岛上以总督自居,成为荒岛的统治者。后协助经过荒岛的英国航船平定叛乱水手,并乘船离开荒岛,返回英国。在进入文明社会后,鲁滨逊依靠巴西种植园的收入成为富翁,并娶妻生子,过起安定的生活。
  • 奇特旅行记

    奇特旅行记

    移民美国的法国人卡斯卡贝尔先生决定带领一家人从美国回到法国,他们做好了准备,以巡回演出的方式乘坐一辆大篷车出发了。但是他们却选择了一条不可思议的旅行路线,并且戏剧般返回家乡。卡斯卡贝尔一家的奇特旅行都发生了一些什么样的故事呢?
  • 巨星萌宠:BOSS请乖乖听话

    巨星萌宠:BOSS请乖乖听话

    冷傲霸气侧漏、穿越而来的帝王宇文澈VS脑袋一根筋儿,单细胞生物的影视新星林晓曦他是她一屁股坐来的傲娇帅哥,正因为知道他的底细,没有身份的人,无依无靠,所以她是他为己物,打算一辈子宠着他这个纯天然大神儿,谁知人家在外面走了几圈儿,却越来越不待见她了……他知道她生活无忧,锦衣玉食,虽然脑袋大条点儿,却并不坏,反而很单纯;她宠他,万事顺着他;可他最初的身份不允许他这么生活着,所以适应了一段时间之后,他觉得他可以独立了,所以选择了离开……他的离开对她的打击很大,同时她也有更多的精力放在影视作品上,她的事业蒸蒸日上,在贵圈儿红得发紫,可是她的心……小剧场:《王爷在劫难逃》首映式,记者见面会上。某记者八卦,问:听说林小姐已经有男朋友了?闻言,所有的媒体记者,目光都盯在了清雅如仙的林晓曦身上。“对呀。”林晓曦根本就没有理会身后在拽她衣角的私人助理,爽快而又利落的答应道。“要死啦!”私人助理用手捂着脑门儿,垂下了头。“是这位先生吗?”此记者眼睛闪了闪,晃动着手里不知道在哪儿偷拍的照片。“对呀!”林晓卓没有回避,看着那照片,心中却是五味杂陈。“有人看他晚上出现在夜总会,和某某富婆……毁容了……”此记者话没说完,林晓曦已经变色的站了起来,他毁容了……
  • 老残遗恨

    老残遗恨

    清朝咸丰年间,江苏吴江县同里镇上住着一个曰后与《老残游记》作者大有关系的重要人物。若不是他的提携,刘鹗生长南方,怎能在小说中把山东的风土人情、昏官酷吏写得那么活灵活现,令人拍案叫绝。
热门推荐
  • 心悸奶茶

    心悸奶茶

    把时间献给日常,献给高不成低不就,簇拥度日的我们
  • 踏破天关

    踏破天关

    天道不仁,以万物为刍狗。社会不良,劫运将与终古。何为正,何为邪?何为道、何为法?世间正邪黑白本为同源之水,清浊善恶终有同流之时。千年修道,不及一念成魔。曾踏天关扣御门,天地无情圣火焚,三界六道任平生,轮回万世笑浮沉。少年杨明从小镇中走出,步步为营,逐渐变强,踏破天关,揭开被尘封的历史与真相。正文前有个十万字的楔子,不要漏了
  • 面具召唤师

    面具召唤师

    上世纪60年代,以制作面具为营生的手艺人老鬼,凭借炉火纯青的手艺在饥荒年代发了一笔饭财。据那代人说,老鬼发财的门路不一般,神神秘秘。因此在改革开放后,老鬼凭借手艺在家乡那一带成了名人,都说老鬼的手开过光,做的面具非比寻常。60年后,一个叫老秦的男人拿着一枚青铜纵目面具登门拜访,无数尘封往事慢慢浮出水面……而这时,老鬼早以驾鹤仙去,只留下一个单传的独孙……
  • 在樱花飘落的夜晚我遇见了你

    在樱花飘落的夜晚我遇见了你

    在一个樱花飘落的夜晚,我在那里遇见了你。
  • 最不可思议的邂逅:天使树

    最不可思议的邂逅:天使树

    医学院学生穆焱是一个追求完美的人。虽然对纯朴的同学张银杉情有独钟,却始终藏而不露,特别是在一次火灾现场舍己救人后,对偶然介入的神秘女郎开始抱有更多的幻想。然而,过于追求理想爱情的他,在得知张银杉做出一系列“惊人之举”后,他的反应令她大失所望。若干年后,穆焱经历了婚姻的失败,终于明了自己真正爱的人还是张银杉,而得到这份感情。就必须有所牺牲与付出。在他准备回到往昔爱人身边时,却目睹了意外的发生。随后,他也知晓了那位难忘的神秘女郎的真相……原来真诚和奉献才是人类最为完美情感。
  • 凡人意识

    凡人意识

    什么是意识?是所有生物都拥有意识,还是人类独有?察觉杀气果断反杀,遭遇GANK提前离开,意识存在万物之间。在不断萎缩的世界反面,少年背负起旧神的灵龛,从灰暗的历史中走了出来,决定带给凡人们新生。
  • 剑歌九行

    剑歌九行

    沧海一粟,为剑长行。少年楚然,剑动九霄,战绝世,扫天骄,争万古,瑶瑶星光,一剑霜寒十四州。天下之行,唯剑破之。
  • 天行

    天行

    号称“北辰骑神”的天才玩家以自创的“牧马冲锋流”战术击败了国服第一弓手北冥雪,被誉为天纵战榜第一骑士的他,却受到小人排挤,最终离开了效力已久的银狐俱乐部。是沉沦,还是再次崛起?恰逢其时,月恒集团第四款游戏“天行”正式上线,虚拟世界再起风云!
  • 征与服

    征与服

    游戏与现实的结合,来历不明的服务器,宛如真人的npc,真相在揭开,力量在强大,未来也更加可怕,修帝王之术,走治世之路,通甲胄之术,死亡如风,常伴吾身。
  • 桔梗那么伤

    桔梗那么伤

    世界上最不缺的就是背叛和反目成仇,初恋,朋友,但也不缺少成长,蜕变,破茧。