PETRUCHIO'S country house.Enter GRUMIO GRUMIO Fie, fie on all tired jades, on all mad masters, and all foul ways! Was ever man so beaten? was ever man so rayed? was ever man so weary? I am sent before to make a fire, and they are coming after to warm them.Now, were not I a little pot and soon hot, my very lips might freeze to my teeth, my tongue to the roof of my mouth, my heart in my belly, ere I should come by a fire to thaw me:
but I, with blowing the fire, shall warm myself; for, considering the weather, a taller man than I will take cold.Holla, ho! Curtis.
Enter CURTIS CURTIS Who is that calls so coldly? GRUMIO A piece of ice: if thou doubt it, thou mayst slide from my shoulder to my heel with no greater a run but my head and my neck.A fire good Curtis.CURTIS Is my master and his wife coming, Grumio? GRUMIO O, ay, Curtis, ay: and therefore fire, fire; cast on no water.CURTIS Is she so hot a shrew as she's reported? GRUMIO She was, good Curtis, before this frost:
but, thou knowest, winter tames man, woman and beast; for it hath tamed my old master and my new mistress and myself, fellow Curtis.CURTIS Away, you three-inch fool! I am no beast.GRUMIO Am I but three inches? why, thy horn is a foot; and so long am I at the least.But wilt thou make a fire, or shall I complain on thee to our mistress, whose hand, she being now at hand, thou shalt soon feel, to thy cold comfort, for being slow in thy hot office? CURTIS I prithee, good Grumio, tell me, how goes the world? GRUMIO A cold world, Curtis, in every office but thine; and therefore fire: do thy duty, and have thy duty;for my master and mistress are almost frozen to death.CURTIS There's fire ready; and therefore, good Grumio, the news.GRUMIO Why, 'Jack, boy! ho! boy!' and as much news as will thaw.CURTIS Come, you are so full of cony-catching! GRUMIO Why, therefore fire; for I have caught extreme cold.
Where's the cook? is supper ready, the house trimmed, rushes strewed, cobwebs swept; the serving-men in their new fustian, their white stockings, and every officer his wedding-garment on?
Be the jacks fair within, the jills fair without, the carpets laid, and every thing in order? CURTIS All ready; and therefore, I pray thee, news.GRUMIO First, know, my horse is tired; my master and mistress fallen out.CURTIS How? GRUMIO Out of their saddles into the dirt; and thereby hangs a tale.CURTIS Let's ha't, good Grumio.GRUMIO Lend thine ear.CURTIS Here.GRUMIO There.
Strikes him CURTIS This is to feel a tale, not to hear a tale.GRUMIO And therefore 'tis called a sensible tale:
and this cuff was but to knock at your ear, and beseech listening.Now I begin: Imprimis, we came down a foul hill, my master riding behind my mistress,-- CURTIS Both of one horse? GRUMIO What's that to thee? CURTIS Why, a horse.GRUMIO Tell thou the tale: but hadst thou not crossed me, thou shouldst have heard how her horse fell and she under her horse; thou shouldst have heard in how miry a place, how she was bemoiled, how he left her with the horse upon her, how he beat me because her horse stumbled, how she waded through the dirt to pluck him off me, how he swore, how she prayed, that never prayed before, how I cried, how the horses ran away, how her bridle was burst, how Ilost my crupper, with many things of worthy memory, which now shall die in oblivion and thou return unexperienced to thy grave.CURTIS By this reckoning he is more shrew than she.GRUMIO Ay; and that thou and the proudest of you all shall find when he comes home.But what talk I of this?
Call forth Nathaniel, Joseph, Nicholas, Philip, Walter, Sugarsop and the rest: let their heads be sleekly combed their blue coats brushed and their garters of an indifferent knit: let them curtsy with their left legs and not presume to touch a hair of my master's horse-tail till they kiss their hands.Are they all ready? CURTIS They are.GRUMIO Call them forth.CURTIS Do you hear, ho? you must meet my master to countenance my mistress.GRUMIO Why, she hath a face of her own.CURTIS Who knows not that? GRUMIO Thou, it seems, that calls for company to countenance her.CURTIS I call them forth to credit her.GRUMIO Why, she comes to borrow nothing of them.
